Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde...

So I don't want to say that I have two personalities, but I kind of might have two personalities. This weekend I was with a couple exchange students to prepare for Paris at the end of March. I spoke in English for a majority of the weekend. I didn't really want to go into English mode, but it wasn't too bad. One of them said that she feels like a different person in the different languages that she speaks (Portuguese, English, French). After thinking about it, I realized that I do too. Also, that I prefer myself in French. 

It's a little weird, but I find that I'm different when I speak French. I don't think it's just because I've been here for six months and that it's my life now. Honestly, French words are just more accurate when it comes to describing things that happen to me. In English I tend to ramble and use a lot of different words to say the same thing (kind of like I do in these blog posts...), but in French I find that I'm more concise and I really have to choose my words. Because of this, it's a little easier to express what I want to say. 

Then again, there are times when I don't know the word for something (which bugs me... a lot). That's more a matter of translation though and not really being me. I just find that I articulate my ideas a little bit more in French than I do in English. Since this is the case, I am more of the person that I want to be and my personality is a little different. As you have probably noticed, I tend to ramble a lot when I speak or write in English. That can be great for a blog post, but in person it's tiring and makes me sound as though I don't know what I'm trying to say.

Basically, I prefer speaking French instead of English. That's actually pretty convenient seeing how I'm in France. It's just a little concerning for the return (which I will probably not speak of at all in any of my upcoming posts seeing how I HAVE NO DESIRE TO GO BACK). So I guess I just wanted to say that I've finally found out who I really am and it took learning another language for me to figure that out. But now that I have figured that out, I hope I won't switch back to the person I was before this all began. I guess we'll see how the cookie crumbles (yay, expressions that I haven't used in forever are suddenly useful!).

 Amelia

PS: To any of you reading this who are exchange students, I hope you have been able to see another side of your self, even if it isn't your favorite side. It may be different for those who are finding a side they don't like. If you're having a little battle with yourself, just remember that if exchange was easy, then everyone would do it, and that just isn't possible. Keep on going. :)

PPS: I have an issue with the fact that there isn't a word for the plural/formal form of you in English. Whenever I speak in English I always hesitate before saying "you" when I'm talking to a group and I wonder if I forgot the word. It's honestly getting really annoying.

Friends

Today I'm going to talk about the French people I've met here and I guess just the (very) general idea of how my friendships have formed this year. I've spent some time talking about exchange students, but I've never really explained my school friends and how I even got them. That may also be because I'm still not sure how I got them. 

I'll start with the girls in my class, because they were the first ones to really become my friends. One in particular is definitely my best friend here. Even though she was basically assigned to me on the first day, she hasn't ever left me to the wolves (the wolves being scary French people who I don't know). It's because of her that my French is at the level it is. Mostly because she isn't afraid to correct me (which is lovely) even if I seem annoyed by it. I guess it was because of her that I became friends with the other girls. I love all of them to bits and pieces. I had also met a few other girls in the various English classes that I helped with in the beginning of the year. 

It was relatively easy to become friends with the girls, but the guys on the other hand.... We'll just say that it was a little more complicated. After a couple awkward experiences with being lab partners in SVT (Biology) I had basically given up on getting guy friends. But the day came when one of the girls from an English class helped me break down the barrier. I'm pretty sure that I've already ranted about the separation of guys and girls with foosball and everything and if I haven't... I just did sort of. But anyway, this girl helped me get a place to play at the foosball tables. After about a month of more awkward interactions, I gradually made friends with a few of the guys. 

Mission accomplished, right?

You may be laughing, but people don't realize how impossibly daunting it can be to make friends on exchange (at least with the locals). I started with no one. I had no history with any one of them and I could barely speak the language in the beginning. I don't know how to properly describe the experience. Even though I have them now, it isn't really the same as what I was expecting. It gets really annoying every time I realize how long they've all known each other and that they all get next year together. All the people I've known for a long time are super far away, and I didn't really mind leaving them. I thought that starting over completely would be simpler. I was definitely wrong. Simple is not a word I would use to describe any of this. It's hard hearing them talking about all the things they did last year or what they might do next year. I only have this year. I can only wish that it was longer. 

My struggles with this year have switched from: "This is too new, I don't really like it as much as I thought I would" to: "I can live like this for the year" to where I am now: "I love everything about this and I never want to leave it behind". 

I have no desire to leave at this point. I hate when people say the April is soon, because after April I only have May and June. I hate when people ask me when I'm leaving. I hate when people ask me when I'm coming back... I HAVEN'T LEFT YET! I hate being reminded that it's going to end, because I love what it is. 

I definitely CAN wait for it all to end!

Amelia