Preparation and its Baggage

Bonjour!

I feel that since I have this blog, I should utilize it to update people on the experience at least once every few weeks. It may seem like overkill, but most (not all) of my friends don't appreciate me gushing over this so I'll use the keyboard instead. That being said, I guess this is an update on how this exchange prep affects my life. Now I don't mean to make this negative at all, but along with preparation comes a ton of emotional baggage that I wasn't expecting.

As I said before, most of the people in my age group don't like it when I talk about all this. Rotary Youth Exchange is going to stay with me forever, and I would like to be able to express that without feeling as though my friends are getting offended. A couple of the other students going on exchange have said similar things as well, so I assume it's just one of the things that comes with the territory. That's just emotionally taxing after a while. I don't know how exactly to explain it, but not having the support of everyone in your life kind of sucks. I can't really talk about my life without somehow annoying a friend of mine. I realize that this may be inane and premature and they may come around eventually, but in this moment, none of it really makes sense. It seems as though all of my classmates are questioning WHY I would do something like this? WHY I could miss a year of high school and be okay about it? HOW could I do that to my family? WHY would I want to put myself through it all? I have answers to these questions, but most do not end well, so I choose not to answer them. I can either face these questions or not talk about how my life is going to completely change after next year. 

Onto a slightly happier note now. Some of the other students going on exchange have figured out where in the country they're going and when. I'm totally and completely jealous. I just want to KNOW already! All this build up is killing me. Even so, I don't mind talking with the other outbounds about their recent developments (that I want to have for myself). As I so clearly explained in the above paragraph, this can be hard if you feel like your facing it alone and no one I know likes feeling like they're all by themselves. That being said, I don't want to rub any of this in people's faces, that is not my intention at all. This whole experience is so exciting and fresh and new and sort of crazy to think about. I kind of like all the build up, but then there's the fact that I really want to know right now and want to be able to talk to my friends about it (so I'll just stick to the other outbounds). For one, I check my email excessively, waiting for the email from my future host district. Excessively isn't twice a day. Oh no. My dear readers it is like ten times a day. I have a problem. In this email there will be information, and in all honesty, that's all I want. I just want the know that France knows that I will be going. AHHHHHH. I feel psychotic and helpless about it, but there is a deadline (which I hope they will be SUPER early for). That deadline is May 31st. Seriously? May 31st? Might as well say June. Saying May 31st is like how stores say $19.99 instead of $20. Just to make it feel like that much more of a deal, as though it's that much closer to being yours. But we all know that tax will make it over $20, so why do we fall for it? Because it looks good on paper. That's how May 31st feels: good on paper. In reality it's so far away, but it SEEMS a little closer and that is what makes the first impression. This is like waiting for Season 3 of Sherlock, except I know there's a deadline for this. Sorry, I totally just went all high-functioning sociopath on you. (That's a joke, I promise.)

I'm going to find a way to make a little countdown thing on the blog until May 31st, or perhaps June 1st, just to make it that much earlier when the email arrives. If that doesn't work, I'll just have to make one of those paper chain countdowns I used to make before Christmas Day. As of today, May 31st is 73 days away. Two and a half months. Until next time (hopefully in less than two and a half months), au revoir!

Amelia

La phrase du jour: Je ne veux pas attendre! (I don't want to wait!)