So I don't want to say that I have two personalities, but I kind of might have two personalities. This weekend I was with a couple exchange students to prepare for Paris at the end of March. I spoke in English for a majority of the weekend. I didn't really want to go into English mode, but it wasn't too bad. One of them said that she feels like a different person in the different languages that she speaks (Portuguese, English, French). After thinking about it, I realized that I do too. Also, that I prefer myself in French.
It's a little weird, but I find that I'm different when I speak French. I don't think it's just because I've been here for six months and that it's my life now. Honestly, French words are just more accurate when it comes to describing things that happen to me. In English I tend to ramble and use a lot of different words to say the same thing (kind of like I do in these blog posts...), but in French I find that I'm more concise and I really have to choose my words. Because of this, it's a little easier to express what I want to say.
Then again, there are times when I don't know the word for something (which bugs me... a lot). That's more a matter of translation though and not really being me. I just find that I articulate my ideas a little bit more in French than I do in English. Since this is the case, I am more of the person that I want to be and my personality is a little different. As you have probably noticed, I tend to ramble a lot when I speak or write in English. That can be great for a blog post, but in person it's tiring and makes me sound as though I don't know what I'm trying to say.
Basically, I prefer speaking French instead of English. That's actually pretty convenient seeing how I'm in France. It's just a little concerning for the return (which I will probably not speak of at all in any of my upcoming posts seeing how I HAVE NO DESIRE TO GO BACK). So I guess I just wanted to say that I've finally found out who I really am and it took learning another language for me to figure that out. But now that I have figured that out, I hope I won't switch back to the person I was before this all began. I guess we'll see how the cookie crumbles (yay, expressions that I haven't used in forever are suddenly useful!).
Amelia
PS: To any of you reading this who are exchange students, I hope you have been able to see another side of your self, even if it isn't your favorite side. It may be different for those who are finding a side they don't like. If you're having a little battle with yourself, just remember that if exchange was easy, then everyone would do it, and that just isn't possible. Keep on going. :)
PPS: I have an issue with the fact that there isn't a word for the plural/formal form of you in English. Whenever I speak in English I always hesitate before saying "you" when I'm talking to a group and I wonder if I forgot the word. It's honestly getting really annoying.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Friends
Today I'm going to talk about the French people I've met here and I guess just the (very) general idea of how my friendships have formed this year. I've spent some time talking about exchange students, but I've never really explained my school friends and how I even got them. That may also be because I'm still not sure how I got them.
I'll start with the girls in my class, because they were the first ones to really become my friends. One in particular is definitely my best friend here. Even though she was basically assigned to me on the first day, she hasn't ever left me to the wolves (the wolves being scary French people who I don't know). It's because of her that my French is at the level it is. Mostly because she isn't afraid to correct me (which is lovely) even if I seem annoyed by it. I guess it was because of her that I became friends with the other girls. I love all of them to bits and pieces. I had also met a few other girls in the various English classes that I helped with in the beginning of the year.
It was relatively easy to become friends with the girls, but the guys on the other hand.... We'll just say that it was a little more complicated. After a couple awkward experiences with being lab partners in SVT (Biology) I had basically given up on getting guy friends. But the day came when one of the girls from an English class helped me break down the barrier. I'm pretty sure that I've already ranted about the separation of guys and girls with foosball and everything and if I haven't... I just did sort of. But anyway, this girl helped me get a place to play at the foosball tables. After about a month of more awkward interactions, I gradually made friends with a few of the guys.
Mission accomplished, right?
You may be laughing, but people don't realize how impossibly daunting it can be to make friends on exchange (at least with the locals). I started with no one. I had no history with any one of them and I could barely speak the language in the beginning. I don't know how to properly describe the experience. Even though I have them now, it isn't really the same as what I was expecting. It gets really annoying every time I realize how long they've all known each other and that they all get next year together. All the people I've known for a long time are super far away, and I didn't really mind leaving them. I thought that starting over completely would be simpler. I was definitely wrong. Simple is not a word I would use to describe any of this. It's hard hearing them talking about all the things they did last year or what they might do next year. I only have this year. I can only wish that it was longer.
My struggles with this year have switched from: "This is too new, I don't really like it as much as I thought I would" to: "I can live like this for the year" to where I am now: "I love everything about this and I never want to leave it behind".
I have no desire to leave at this point. I hate when people say the April is soon, because after April I only have May and June. I hate when people ask me when I'm leaving. I hate when people ask me when I'm coming back... I HAVEN'T LEFT YET! I hate being reminded that it's going to end, because I love what it is.
I definitely CAN wait for it all to end!
Amelia
Monday, January 27, 2014
Are you really happy or just really comfortable?
The other day I came across this picture:
This scares me.
The moment when I finally thought I was happy on exchange was when I became comfortable. When I first went out of my comfort zone at the beginning of this exchange, I wasn't truly happy. I was more excited about all the new things that were happening. As these things grew less and less intimidating and daunting, I found myself becoming more and more comfortable.
There are people out there who say that it isn't good to stay comfortable for too long. I have to say that I disagree -- sort of. What we have to do rather than avoid our comfort zone is expand it. I am aware of how weird this sounds, but I'm going somewhere with it... I think. When you leave your comfort zone, you have to adapt. Eventually, you will adapt so well that this new experience will be within your comfort zone. Now it isn't some instant gratification, but it's something you have to work for.
My life before exchange was within my comfort zone. My family, friends, high school, lifestyle, and everything else there was all in my comfort zone. At the beginning of my exchange I had none of that. I had a host family, no friends, a new high school, a completely changed lifestyle, and so many other different and foreign aspects that had transformed in a matter days. Needless to say, France was (literally) 5,329 mi (about 8576 km) outside of my comfort zone.
Around the two and a half month mark, I had adjusted to the family, had made a few friends, and sort of liked the high school. The lifestyle, however, I had not adjusted to, as well as the language. In fact, around the two month mark I was just starting to fully (well relative to before) understand the French around me.
At this point (5 months in...ahhhh) I feel completely comfortable. I love my second host family, I have made friends (who I HOPE will stay my friends long after I have to leave again), high school is just kind of high school now, and the language I think I've got a pretty good understanding of. The lifestyle has been a difficult thing to adjust to, but now I think it's pretty normal.
Communication is one of the most important things in all of this. Being unable to communicate with people was definitely out of my comfort zone. Coming to another country with a very very basic understanding of the language is frightening. The moment when France was added to my comfort zone (wow that still sounds weird, but I don't know how else to put it) was when I felt that I had a grasp on the language.
Basically what I'm trying to say is that it's good to be in your comfort zone, but you need to reach out and take a little more of the world in for yourself. I swear to you this made sense in my head. Hats off to you if you understand what I'm trying to say.
Basically: Change is good, but eventually that change won't feel any different.
This may have just been me trying to express my feelings about being closer to the end than the beginning... Maybe I'll have an interesting story soon :)
Amelia
This scares me.
The moment when I finally thought I was happy on exchange was when I became comfortable. When I first went out of my comfort zone at the beginning of this exchange, I wasn't truly happy. I was more excited about all the new things that were happening. As these things grew less and less intimidating and daunting, I found myself becoming more and more comfortable.
There are people out there who say that it isn't good to stay comfortable for too long. I have to say that I disagree -- sort of. What we have to do rather than avoid our comfort zone is expand it. I am aware of how weird this sounds, but I'm going somewhere with it... I think. When you leave your comfort zone, you have to adapt. Eventually, you will adapt so well that this new experience will be within your comfort zone. Now it isn't some instant gratification, but it's something you have to work for.
My life before exchange was within my comfort zone. My family, friends, high school, lifestyle, and everything else there was all in my comfort zone. At the beginning of my exchange I had none of that. I had a host family, no friends, a new high school, a completely changed lifestyle, and so many other different and foreign aspects that had transformed in a matter days. Needless to say, France was (literally) 5,329 mi (about 8576 km) outside of my comfort zone.
Around the two and a half month mark, I had adjusted to the family, had made a few friends, and sort of liked the high school. The lifestyle, however, I had not adjusted to, as well as the language. In fact, around the two month mark I was just starting to fully (well relative to before) understand the French around me.
At this point (5 months in...ahhhh) I feel completely comfortable. I love my second host family, I have made friends (who I HOPE will stay my friends long after I have to leave again), high school is just kind of high school now, and the language I think I've got a pretty good understanding of. The lifestyle has been a difficult thing to adjust to, but now I think it's pretty normal.
Communication is one of the most important things in all of this. Being unable to communicate with people was definitely out of my comfort zone. Coming to another country with a very very basic understanding of the language is frightening. The moment when France was added to my comfort zone (wow that still sounds weird, but I don't know how else to put it) was when I felt that I had a grasp on the language.
Basically what I'm trying to say is that it's good to be in your comfort zone, but you need to reach out and take a little more of the world in for yourself. I swear to you this made sense in my head. Hats off to you if you understand what I'm trying to say.
Basically: Change is good, but eventually that change won't feel any different.
This may have just been me trying to express my feelings about being closer to the end than the beginning... Maybe I'll have an interesting story soon :)
Amelia
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Halfway....
I just wanted to let you know that I have reached the halfway point.
I have no idea how I feel about this. I'm confused.
Amelia
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Talent Show Videos
If anyone is interested in seeing the Talent Show acts I participated in:
"Impossible" (by James Arthur) Cover
"Fix You" (by Coldplay) Cover
"Impossible" (by James Arthur) Cover
"Fix You" (by Coldplay) Cover
Monday, January 20, 2014
Rotary Weekend #2!
Bonjour!
This weekend, I had another Rotary Weekend with all the exchange students in my district. We went to St. Sorlin, a ski village in the Alps. On Saturday, a few other exchange students and I left Montélimar. We were within 30 km of the village when our route was cut off since the passes are closed for the winter. We then had to turn around and return to the nearest big city and take a different route. This added a little over two hours to our already long car ride. Rather than arriving at 4:00 pm, we arrived around 5:45 pm.
After saying hello to everyone and putting our things in our rooms, we just started hanging out. The guitars were brought out and a group of us just started singing. I loved just relaxing with everyone and being normal for once. It has taken a while to get back to the normal interactions. There were still language barriers, but we all got along and found ways to communicate. After hanging out for a while, we had dinner: Raclette. Perfection. Nothing more, nothing less.
After dinner everyone did their last minute rehearsals for the Talent Show (by the way there was a talent show). It was so much fun to see everyone just be themselves and show their talents, even if they were uncomfortable (like me). I sang with two Brazilians and a Mexican. NORMALLY, I DO NOT EVER SING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE, but this weekend I just felt comfortable with it. Until people said nice things.... Then I just turned really awkward and tried to get them to stop talking about it. I should probably get over that soon. Mostly because the Rotarians chose the Talent Show act who will represent District 1780 at the Conference Weekend in Paris where every Rotary exchange student in France will meet up. That means I need to get over stage fright and talking to people about it afterwards. It's really exciting to know that people trust you and your friends to creatively represent a large body of people.
After the Talent Show, we danced. Once again, it's really difficult to dance when you are surrounded by a bunch of South Americans who can move without looking like awkward seals (like me). You just kind of have to accept the fact that you will not move like that and maybe you never will. It was a difficult process, but it was successful. Exchange students just love being around each other and it was cool to just have everyone there.
I loved having everyone there and I realized that I wasn't really adventurous last time. In September, I mainly talked to Americans, Canadians, Australians, and people who were willing to just speak English. This time, I decided to go meet other people who spoke other languages. I ended up spending a lot of times with the South Americans and making friends with them. Even though 75% of the time they were speaking Portuguese or Spanish, it was still really fun. Of course I had to ask for a translation to either French or English, but it worked somehow. I'm really happy that I switched it up. I still love the others, but now I've gotten to know even more people.
The next day, we went snow-shoeing along the mountainside. For 4 hours. I'm just going to say that it was very difficult to walk up stairs the next day... Despite the fact that everyone was extremely tired, the view was gorgeous. There was a good amount of snow, but it never snowed while we were walking. I normally don't like snow, but when the snowball fights started I didn't just stand on the sidelines...
Getting to be myself during this whirl-wind that is exchange has been one of the best things that has ever happened. I'm no longer afraid of how people see me. I just act how I act and let people make the decision for themselves. Trying to fit in isn't worth it anymore. Rather than trying to fit in on exchange you just have to fall into your place. You won't fit perfectly with everyone, but you'll find people and they'll find you. I've realized that I need to stop searching for a spot to be and just find it naturally.
I wish every exchange student the best of luck in stumbling across who they are. I wish families the best in supporting the exchange students in their lives. I wish Rotarians the best in continuing to give this gift to many future exchange students. This year has been truly magnificent so far and I cannot wait (except that I totally can and will wait) to see the end result.
Au revoir!
Amelia
This weekend, I had another Rotary Weekend with all the exchange students in my district. We went to St. Sorlin, a ski village in the Alps. On Saturday, a few other exchange students and I left Montélimar. We were within 30 km of the village when our route was cut off since the passes are closed for the winter. We then had to turn around and return to the nearest big city and take a different route. This added a little over two hours to our already long car ride. Rather than arriving at 4:00 pm, we arrived around 5:45 pm.
After saying hello to everyone and putting our things in our rooms, we just started hanging out. The guitars were brought out and a group of us just started singing. I loved just relaxing with everyone and being normal for once. It has taken a while to get back to the normal interactions. There were still language barriers, but we all got along and found ways to communicate. After hanging out for a while, we had dinner: Raclette. Perfection. Nothing more, nothing less.
After dinner everyone did their last minute rehearsals for the Talent Show (by the way there was a talent show). It was so much fun to see everyone just be themselves and show their talents, even if they were uncomfortable (like me). I sang with two Brazilians and a Mexican. NORMALLY, I DO NOT EVER SING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE, but this weekend I just felt comfortable with it. Until people said nice things.... Then I just turned really awkward and tried to get them to stop talking about it. I should probably get over that soon. Mostly because the Rotarians chose the Talent Show act who will represent District 1780 at the Conference Weekend in Paris where every Rotary exchange student in France will meet up. That means I need to get over stage fright and talking to people about it afterwards. It's really exciting to know that people trust you and your friends to creatively represent a large body of people.
After the Talent Show, we danced. Once again, it's really difficult to dance when you are surrounded by a bunch of South Americans who can move without looking like awkward seals (like me). You just kind of have to accept the fact that you will not move like that and maybe you never will. It was a difficult process, but it was successful. Exchange students just love being around each other and it was cool to just have everyone there.
I loved having everyone there and I realized that I wasn't really adventurous last time. In September, I mainly talked to Americans, Canadians, Australians, and people who were willing to just speak English. This time, I decided to go meet other people who spoke other languages. I ended up spending a lot of times with the South Americans and making friends with them. Even though 75% of the time they were speaking Portuguese or Spanish, it was still really fun. Of course I had to ask for a translation to either French or English, but it worked somehow. I'm really happy that I switched it up. I still love the others, but now I've gotten to know even more people.
The next day, we went snow-shoeing along the mountainside. For 4 hours. I'm just going to say that it was very difficult to walk up stairs the next day... Despite the fact that everyone was extremely tired, the view was gorgeous. There was a good amount of snow, but it never snowed while we were walking. I normally don't like snow, but when the snowball fights started I didn't just stand on the sidelines...
Getting to be myself during this whirl-wind that is exchange has been one of the best things that has ever happened. I'm no longer afraid of how people see me. I just act how I act and let people make the decision for themselves. Trying to fit in isn't worth it anymore. Rather than trying to fit in on exchange you just have to fall into your place. You won't fit perfectly with everyone, but you'll find people and they'll find you. I've realized that I need to stop searching for a spot to be and just find it naturally.
I wish every exchange student the best of luck in stumbling across who they are. I wish families the best in supporting the exchange students in their lives. I wish Rotarians the best in continuing to give this gift to many future exchange students. This year has been truly magnificent so far and I cannot wait (except that I totally can and will wait) to see the end result.
Au revoir!
Amelia
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Just a side note...
For those of you who might care:
I almost got off at the wrong bus stop on Tuesday.... It was probably one of the most embarrassing things that has happened to me this year. I walked up to the front of the bus and it stopped. I saw the sign through the window (and obviously noticed that it wasn't the right place) and told the driver that I was mistaken and that it was the next one. He just kind of stared at me.... along with every other person on the bus. Oops?
I almost got off at the wrong bus stop on Tuesday.... It was probably one of the most embarrassing things that has happened to me this year. I walked up to the front of the bus and it stopped. I saw the sign through the window (and obviously noticed that it wasn't the right place) and told the driver that I was mistaken and that it was the next one. He just kind of stared at me.... along with every other person on the bus. Oops?
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